HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE LIED TO IMPLICATE ANOTHER?

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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Wed Sep 17, 2003 12:40 am

confrontation/assertiveness has never been my strong point,...hence how I got myself into this in the first place I guess.


Read butterfly's posts...many times these guys do go after those that are challenging, assertive and strong. You have more strength than you give yourself credit for.

I certainly wouldn't have thought I would have wound up in the situation I did. I had everything going for me when I met him. It took 4+ years til we were divorced and almost another 4 years to finally end the relationship knowing full well he would stalk me and make my life miserable. Ultimately I knew it was him or me and I wasn't willing to give him me!!

I don't think I am a slow learner but I had to take baby steps to gain back what I lost in that first year of marriage. When we separated to divorce, the first round of stalking I could not handle it...I think I may have faired better if I could have cut off all phone contact. I finally had to talk to him on some level to end the stalking before I went off the deep end. The best time of our relationship was after the stalking ended through the Divorce. Shortly after we were divorced I had a major emergency surgery, my father passed away and I was afraid I wasn't strong enough to take care of our son alone and I let him move back in with us. :( Big mistake. Once he was moved back in, same old patterns continued :( So I do understand what you are going through to a certain degree. Not enforcing a strict no contact policy allowed him to get under my skin and for him to manipulate his way back in my life for an additional 4 years.

On phone calls....if you must answer the phone calls, try answering the phone and setting it down and going in the other room....let him talk all he wants. If you are afraid of escalation this could go either way...depending on how often he needs a response.

The suicide stuff...find out where he is (they may be able to track him down from the phone number if he is calling from a land line) and call the police and tell them you got a call and he was threatening suicide. They can go check out his well being and take him to the hospital for psych eval if necessary. This is what my psychologist suggested when I got a suicide note in my car from Dip. He never threatened suicide with me again.

Most of the time, threats of suicide are sympathy ploys or a means of controling you--it sounds like it is working very effectively since you are still taking his calls. Men that are seriously suicidal don't generally say a lot about it, they just do it. If he chooses to commit suicide, that is his choice and his choice alone. You are not responsible for him and you would be better off if he wasn't around to harrass you.

I understand your fear of the RO, however, that is the only way the police can really take action. I can almost assure you that it will escalate but you can use that to your advantage. It sounds like you friends and family members that are supportive...enlist them to prepare for the escalation and catch him. The important thing is to be prepared and ensure your safety. Find out what the laws are in your jurisdiction and what it takes to get someone arrested and convicted of stalking. Find out what the minimum and maximum sentencing is too. Base on the laws, it can be risky in filing for any type of protective order. I don't advise going against what your therapist says, however, I am presenting an alternative approach. But you need to have a lot of support and know the legal environment you are dealing with before going forward with anything.

Finally, this guy is going to be angry no matter what you do. By talking to him and by not filing an TO/PO you are allowing him to continue to exert control over you.

We all have different perspectives and I hope maybe you can glean something from the suggestions above. I wish you the best.
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Wed Sep 17, 2003 12:48 am

If there is a GPS on your vehicle...those things are pretty expensive. Seems like you could get a mechanic familiar with the type of vehicle look it over for any thing out of place. Can the police sweep the vehicle? If you are certain there is one...make a deal with a PI that he can have the device for payment when he finds it after the police report is filed. Shop around in the phonebook. Look up on the internet to see what one used on a vehicle might look like....you can look yourself. You can look up listening devices as well. The phone company will generally check your phone for any taps for free. Check the front of the phone book and see if they have a department that handles harrassing phone calls.
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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cindy godard-gross

Posts: 1037

Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2003 5:05 pm

Post Wed Sep 17, 2003 12:31 pm

I really like AA's definition of crazy - doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

Good for you, you're getting stronger.
Samurai Sushi
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SickAndTiredOfIt!

Posts: 90

Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:32 pm

Post Fri Sep 19, 2003 12:18 am

.

:arrow:
Last edited by SickAndTiredOfIt! on Fri Sep 26, 2003 12:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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canaDn

Posts: 242

Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 1:34 pm

Location: carefully hidden and fabulous!

Post Fri Sep 19, 2003 9:09 am

hooboy

Ooorah 1st Amendment abuser (March26Revenge). Nice to know someone benefits from all my hard work in combat, even if you are a completely ignorant asshole.

I'll bet you think women who wear miniskirts are "asking" to be raped too.

Go find some documentation if you want *anyone* to take you seriously.

Hope you're enjoying being an emotional predator and upsetting some people who are already emotionally wounded here. Too bad I never met you in real life, I'm anxious to try out my new Pistol Qualification, that's what we do to rabid dogs here :twisted:
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canaDn

Posts: 242

Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 1:34 pm

Location: carefully hidden and fabulous!

Post Fri Sep 19, 2003 9:19 am

ooopsy

:oops: I didn't read to the end and now I realize the goofus already left. Naughty Marine, don't need to beat the crap out of the whole world to defend the innocent, putting the Supergirl cape away now. :oops:
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SickAndTiredOfIt!

Posts: 90

Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:32 pm

Post Fri Sep 19, 2003 11:52 am

.

:arrow:
Last edited by SickAndTiredOfIt! on Fri Sep 26, 2003 12:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Sat Sep 20, 2003 9:25 pm

hey canaDn, I can give you a physical address for target practice :lol:

as a convicted felon, at least he no longer has the right to vote :lol:
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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cindy godard-gross

Posts: 1037

Joined: Fri Feb 07, 2003 5:05 pm

Post Sun Sep 21, 2003 12:14 pm

If you miss your former partner, take aim and shoot again.
Samurai Sushi
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Gwen

Posts: 585

Joined: Tue Jan 14, 2003 11:25 pm

Post Wed Nov 19, 2003 4:45 pm

:lol:
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Carma

Posts: 23

Joined: Tue Jan 14, 2003 5:40 pm

Location: California

Post Mon Dec 08, 2003 4:42 pm

I have NEVER lied in my case

There have been times in my 15+ years of being stalked where if I streatched the truth just a tad it would have made my case much better. I refuse to do it. I still believe that telling the truth is the best way. If I lied and it came out my case would completly fall apart and I would have nothing. Which by the way is not much more than I have now. I have been tempted...sooooo tempted. But I just won't do it.
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Dex

Posts: 436

Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2003 1:58 pm

Post Mon Dec 08, 2003 4:44 pm

That's what makes us different to stalkers. We live in reality. They live in a reality distortion field.
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liz_1964

Posts: 9

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 11:04 am

Location: ohio

Post Tue Mar 16, 2004 11:38 am

false stalking cases my foot

I'd like to see someone tell me that i'm making it all up,and that i'm not getting creepy letters in the mail and personally dropped off in my mail box mind you.and did i mention the fact that my imaginary stalker is showing up at places that i go to with friends to quote; I,ve been going to your bars so that I can ask your friends what your problem is?or how about the fact that this so called innocent person has a restraining order against him for doing this to another girl,not to mention the fact that he quote,unquote made the statement in writing ,to a friend of theres that he'd cut her up in pieces and bury her in her backyard if she didn't butt out.let someone tell me that i'm making this all up and that i'm just out to hurt an Innocent PERSON.nutcase has just broken his previous restaining order by showing up at the people in questions house,but of course,they think ignoring him will make him go away.it won,t.he still obsesses about them and i have the letters to prove it.would've helped me out by having him arrested and on paper.at least that would've given me a leg to stand on as it were.the nutcase is obsessive,extremely delusional,has a tendency for being violent,but i'll be damned that if and when he snaps,and i know he will some day, that i'll end up being the statistic.
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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Thu Mar 18, 2004 1:06 am

I like your attitude liz!!!
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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liz_1964

Posts: 9

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 11:04 am

Location: ohio

Post Thu Mar 18, 2004 6:01 am

All the pent up rage and anger i've been feeling toward's this person is starting to boil over lol
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Exploited~D

Posts: 33

Joined: Thu Mar 18, 2004 6:02 pm

Location: Bear Lake, Ca.

Post Thu Mar 18, 2004 6:22 pm

Excuse me "Revenge",
But re: your theory of wasting one's time to actually lie on a BB is not only ridiculous, it is redundant. WHY on earth would someone do that? Unless they plan on cutting, pasting, and emailing what they say or do for their benefit? In which case, it is only their opinion... HENCE THE WORD "STALKING" in the first place. YES, It is the little, insignificant, yet cruel behaviors of a stalker that create the problem.... BUT, it is the fact that these moves are so, seemingly significant to you yet, insignificant to the rest of the world who could care less.. up to and including the so-called POLICE, that you're drawn to websites like these in the first place. If nobody cares/ believes you .. what benefit would it bring you outside of therapy and a little ease, on a BB?
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