What's with the exhusbands wife???

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hvnsnt70

Posts: 7

Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:51 pm

Post Thu Aug 05, 2004 1:01 pm

What's with the exhusbands wife???

HELP!!! :cry: I'm the nice exwife of 14 years, happily remarried, being stalked by the exhusbands 'cruelgirlsrule' wife.... What should I do???
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paranoid

Posts: 1915

Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2003 1:03 pm

Location: in the library

Post Thu Aug 05, 2004 1:52 pm

What's happening? Search the other threads for similar situations.

Your ex still have a thing for you?
Virginal Cindy the upright and stalwart
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hvnsnt70

Posts: 7

Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:51 pm

Post Fri Aug 06, 2004 5:22 pm

RE: What's with the exhusbands wife???

This lady has wrote three journals about just 'me' and shows them to all her friends, family, and anyone else she doesn't even know when they come to her home which is also her business. She keeps photo's of me along with the journals to show them who I am.
She has since the age of 3 until now, age 14 drilled my daughter every second she has her alone, far away from my exhusband, about info on me, my husband, my family, and my friends.
She has messed with my eBay account, got into my checking account useing info off my child support orders (SS#, Place of birth, mothers maiden name), she has sent postcards from another state acting like another man, followed me around my town and into other towns, had women call my husband to cause problems between us, put my daughter at age 4 on her front portch and called the police department and told them that she has no idea who my daughter is and that I drove up and left her there. Called my home number so many times I can't count anymore and hung up from unknown numbers.
There is so many things she has done that I can't possibly type it all down. I have talked to my exhusband twice about it but he doesn't believe that she would do anything of that nature. He assumes that me and my daughter are lieing to cause problems between him and her. This is not the case... I could care less what the two do, I have been remarried for 8 years and don't have much to do with either one of them. In fact he is the one who cheated on me with her 11 years ago when she was only 14 years old and he got her pregnant. I left him and have not ever caused problems between the two of them... I got on with my life and remarried a great guy. I also live in a completly different town then them. It is small and has a Wal-Mart as the main attraction. They live in a town with lots of stores Cosco, K-Mart, other large stores and a mall, but she makes it a point to drive to my town to come to Wal-Mart to shop.
I have no idea of how he feels towards me and don't really care. We are not aloud to talk to each other because his wife intercepts all calls to him. She is the one who picks up my daughter and drops her off. When my daughter goes to their home he leaves for the entire time that she is there (hunting trips... all year round???) He pitches a fit if she misses her weekend with him... It is not a rare occation that my daughter is left there to babysit her children and all her friends kids while she leaves to go out to the bar or while she is following around one of her girlfriends ex's new girlfriends. She has also left my daughter there watching children with no adult around for two full days. Her own youngest child was only a newborn when this started happening!!! My daughter has been watching her kids alone from the age of 9, and their home is out of town!!!
I could go on and on but will close this for now...
:( Does anyone have any ideas of what to do?
HELP!!! I'm the nice exwife of 14 years, happily remarried, being stalked by the exhusbands 'cruelgirlsrule' wife.... What should I do???
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paranoid

Posts: 1915

Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2003 1:03 pm

Location: in the library

Post Fri Aug 06, 2004 7:34 pm

You told the police, after the call about the "unknown" child? If your ex won't help, about all I can think of is to document. The problems witht he daughter, if you're sure she's not exagerating - I have kids, I know they could smell possibilities - have her call the police next time she is left alone. Ask an attny at what point you can deny visitation. Document when your husband isn't there, etc.

I'm not excusing this woman's behavior, but being seduced and abused by a grown man, then having his child, and obviously he's not a good dad, or he'd be seeing your daughter, she has every reason to have a messed up head.

That deosn't mean you or your daughter has to deal with it. But it sounds very obsessional. I understand how the picture showing, story telling, is disturbing, but she's probably not believed, and besides, who cares?

The daughter will be able to decide at some age, depending on your state, about whether she wants to go there or not. YOu may want to look into that. Here, it's 14 years.
Virginal Cindy the upright and stalwart
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hvnsnt70

Posts: 7

Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:51 pm

Post Fri Aug 06, 2004 11:17 pm

RE; exageration...

My daughter doesn't have to exagerate anything because the ex's wife brags to me and the people I have met and became friends with in town.
And the gossipy crap does pose problems for myself and my husband because we too own and operate a company in our town. Nasty rumors go far in small towns.
I am very nice and have been for the entire time respectful to the ex's wife from day one. She lives off gossip and termoil...
She is not an inocent by-standard in this, she cheats on her husband all the time as he does her! I am not the only person she does this to, so it can't be blamed on the "oh she's just jealous because you're the exwife" she does it to her own best friends and pulls the same crap on men!
What she does to me is one thing but she also torchers my child in front of people at her house and thinks its funny. She's 30 and she aught to be ashamed... This is no laughing matter and I find it hard to prove most of the issues in court....
I have plenty of the issues documented but the state of Oregon hates to deal with these issues and chooses to ignore the problem. You have to have hard physical proof before anything is done about it!!! How am I going to walk into her house and video the problems going on? She is as good at being sneaky as she is at being a freak!!
What could a person do to catch a person like her???
As for the Laws.... My daughter already wants to be Emancipated and I find this heartbreaking because her dad lets the wife make her feel this way. I am going to the Court House this week to find the age for this. I prefer her to stay home and be happy then to be treated like this when she's over to visit her father. I don't want nor need his child support!! Her happiness is all that matters to me!!! At age 14 a child should not scream and cry that they don't want to visit their father...
What would you do if this was your child?
HELP!!! I'm the nice exwife of 14 years, happily remarried, being stalked by the exhusbands 'cruelgirlsrule' wife.... What should I do???
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sur5er31198

Posts: 1090

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:45 pm

Location: hopefully a few steps ahead of my stalker

Post Fri Aug 13, 2004 8:21 am

hvnsnt70,

I read your post and the thing that stands out to me is the fact that your ex's wife is the one whom he had affair with while you were married to him.

People who have affairs with married men, live with the thrill of the chase and the excitement of getting away with something. Ironic thing about these type of people is that they really don't want the married man...and often when the man leaves his wife for this other woman, she suddenly has no interest in him...the fun and excitement is no longer there...and they will simply move onto, and yes you guessed it, to another married man.

As you posted, your ex's wife is continuing to have affairs...because of the excitement and not being able to live in a normal relationship without all these twists and turns. She is a very unhappy woman and needs this excitement.

So why is she stalking and harassing you...because of the thrill...obviously she has no life of her own unless she is causing havic and destroying someone else with an affair. Some women have affairs with married men and the wife/ex never knows they exist...and others get a thrill out of flashing the affair and hurting/destroying the wife as much as possible...they are thrill seekers who live and breed on other's pains.

My ex had several affairs on me, that I never knew of...then when he had his last affair, the woman caused me as much grief as imagineable...was out for total destruction (like your ex's wife)...she was bound and determined that she was out to prove something. In the end, when I finally escaped, she moved in with my ex...and before you knew it their relationship was over (I wasn't anywhere in the picture), because it had been based on her hatred of me and her determination to get my ex from me. It was all a game to her...and once she got what she thought she wanted, she got rid of him...she wasn't after him, but after the thrill.

In regards to your ex's wife slamming you in front of everyone, including your child, this just shows how insecure she is and also the fact that she has not released the fight is over...this is what her relationship and draw to your ex husband was...and as long as it is going, so is her relationship with your ex.

Think about it...what has this woman done with her life...she has no life...her life is about slamming you....her relationship is about slamming you...if she stops, she (in her mind) has nothing. She has to have a crisis happening every second of the day to survive because her life is so sucky.

How to handle...this is a tough one because you have a child who is thrown in the middle of her crazy world...and you of course want to protect your child. Since your child is 14 and in the court's eyes, she does have a voice, I would suggest that you contact an attorney about visitation issues. At this age, the judge will talk with the child, privately in his/her chambers, and get to the bottom of this craziness this child has been thrust into. Perhaps then, your ex will get a clue.

Until a judge hits your ex over the head, he is going to take his wife's side of everything...remember, he took her side and left you and your daughter for this woman...so his reasoning is obviously through his wife...always.

Hope this helps...good luck and keep us posted. In the meantime, feel free to vent away...sounds like you need a shoulder to collapse on after these years of torment. :wink:
An informed victim is an empowered victim enroute to recovery.
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hvnsnt70

Posts: 7

Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:51 pm

Post Fri Aug 13, 2004 9:44 am

RE; RE;exageration...

:P Thank you for your ideas!!! You seem to have had the same problems as I. These type of women, are always pulling stuff out of the hat, and stepping on anything they can step on to get to the top!!
It's nice to have this forum to see that there is more people out there with the same issues as myself. I was begining to think that this was a normal behavior for new wives in the picture.
My husband was married before for about 5 years and his exwife and I get along with out any problems.
Anyway, Thanks again... You're a sweet person!!
HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!
HELP!!! I'm the nice exwife of 14 years, happily remarried, being stalked by the exhusbands 'cruelgirlsrule' wife.... What should I do???
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sur5er31198

Posts: 1090

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:45 pm

Location: hopefully a few steps ahead of my stalker

Post Fri Aug 13, 2004 9:58 am

hvnsnt70,

Glad I could help...victims of this sort of viciousness need as much support as possible.

No, the problems your ex's wife is posing are not normal at all...and for her to carry on after all these years...go figure.

I have a wonderful relationship with my ex husband's wife...she is the best thing that has ever happened to him and I hope and pray that he appreciates her. My husband's ex wife is wonderful too...after we were forced to relocate after the trial for Butthead, she welcomed me here with open arms.

Incidently, when I testified at Butthead's trial, it was my ex husband who greeted me one day as I walked out of the courtroom :wink: Guess I'm not that terrible person Butthead's mistress made me out to be, aye. And no, Butthead's(thank god I never married the creap) mistress did not stand by her man at the trial.

But like you, I thought that Butthead's mistress's treatment of me...her actions, her lies about me, and her constant rumors about me...I thought it was normal behavior. But one day, I realized, 'what a second, I'm not the one who has done any wrong...she is the one who had an affair with Butthead...she is the one who looks like crap'. So I reckon that they do these things to deflect the attention away from themselves and to make themselves look better...at our expense.

Definately not normal behavior of a new wife...but then again, you have to remember how they got our men to begin with. In order to make themselves appear to be so good, they had to do it at our expense, even in the beginning. Have to remember that those who stand upon a foundation that is built on bull sxxxx, soon get swallowed up in it. :wink:
An informed victim is an empowered victim enroute to recovery.
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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Sat Aug 14, 2004 8:30 pm

Something just doesn't seem right. I would stop visitation. I probably would have done that long ago if your child's father was never there with her during visitation, although they could make a case for her spending time with her half siblings. I probably would have called Child Protective Services 5 years ago if I knew my daughter was being left for extended periods of time to babysit. I do think you daughter is old enough to decide that she doesn't want to go but emanciation would be her becoming an adult in the eyes of the law and not under either you or her father's supervision. I believe 14 is a little young for that to happen.
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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sur5er31198

Posts: 1090

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:45 pm

Location: hopefully a few steps ahead of my stalker

Post Sat Aug 14, 2004 8:44 pm

Hvnsnt70,

Wow, I just reread your original post...how did I miss the part about your ex's wife being 14 when your husband had an affair with her and got her pregnant. Hullo, that's called child molestation...that ain't no affair. :shock: Why wasn't the state brought into this...and the police? And after all was said and done, the molester still got unsupervised visitation of your daughter?

Wow, that just blew my mind. :shock:
An informed victim is an empowered victim enroute to recovery.
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hvnsnt70

Posts: 7

Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:51 pm

Post Mon Aug 16, 2004 9:28 am

I have tried everything!! Talking to Child Protective Services, Our local Police Department, and Lawyers.... But Oregon has weird laws, most of these places will not even hear your side, in a court the lawyers say it's about 50/50 of a win and the price to do this is huge.
I have asked him if he would rather not pay me support and just come to my home or our town to visit his daughter but he declines. I think he would just rather torment me the rest of the time he has with Ashlee. Ya see, He doesn't want me but he'll be damned if i'm happy some were else!!!
The age of 14 didn't really come into effect that many years ago here.... the parents would have had to push the issue, and he is buddies with daddy (DRUGS).....Sooooooooooooooo :(
What to do...What to do? :?
HELP!!! I'm the nice exwife of 14 years, happily remarried, being stalked by the exhusbands 'cruelgirlsrule' wife.... What should I do???
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sur5er31198

Posts: 1090

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:45 pm

Location: hopefully a few steps ahead of my stalker

Post Mon Aug 16, 2004 6:22 pm

hvnsnt70,

I feel so bad for you...here you have done everything to go on with your life and your ex's wife wants to stay stuck in the past.

Option 1: Check Oregon visitation laws...under the section referring to missed visitation/denial of visitation. In most states, it is a civil matter if the custodial parent denies the non custodial parent visitation....the police can't do anything. :wink: If your daughter doesn't want to go to see her dad, call and tell him, "sorry, she doesn't want to see you. If you have a problem with that, take it to court."

Your ex will have to file a complaint with family court if he wants to see your daughter. If he files the complaint, take daughter down to the court for the hearing and request that the judge talk privately with your daughter in his/her chambers. What your daughter says to the judge is kept confidential...in other words, the judge isn't going to let either parent or attorney know what she said. But, the judge will use the information the daughter shares with her to make her ruling.

I am surprised that with your daughter being 14, that she is still obligated to adhere to a fixed visitation schedule. In many states, teenagers set their own visitation with the non custodial parent.

I divorced my daughter's father when she was only five years old...by the time she was eight, both her father and I, and our daughter had it with the schedule. Without going to court to ammend the visitation order, we let our daughter decide when she wanted to visit her dad and for how long ...and it worked beautifully. But here again we are not talking about someone as anal as your ex. Just an idea of how different visitation orders work and how it should be in your daughter's control because of her age.

Option 2: Contact your attorney and ask for a visitation ammendment hearing. This will of course cost money and may take months before you get into court.

I wouldn't play with your daughter's support money either...it's not a bargaining tool...that is money that your husband owes your daughter for her support...and from the sounds of it, it's the only responsibility he seems to have. :wink:

Personally, as a mother, if my daughter did not want to go visit her father, that would be it...I would not force her. She has voiced to you her concerns and you are the parent, who is raising her and protecting her. :wink: Go with your motherly instincts.
An informed victim is an empowered victim enroute to recovery.
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~evilanne

Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Mon Aug 16, 2004 7:17 pm

I'm confused...I thought from your other posts that it was your ex's wife that is the problem. Seems like the ex doesn't really care one way or the other. What do you think he would do if you just stopped visitation.
Happy Trails :)
evilanne
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hvnsnt70

Posts: 7

Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:51 pm

Post Thu Sep 09, 2004 10:11 am

Here we go again.....

:cry: Well, I'm back.... This last week, the ex-husbands wife called and called my cell phone and my daughters friends cell phone over a hundred times in 6 hours. When we would pick up, she would act like she didn't hear us and would sit at the Elks Lodge (Drunk) and go on and on in conversation with other people like she didn't dial the phone, it dialed it self... The thing is, she has a flip phone and has to dial to call out on it.
I sat at the police station a good half hour to let the officer hear all the calls. He even tried to get her to answer but she thought it was us acting like officers. You would think that she would block her number so it couldn't be traced, but NOOOOO!!
Now two days ago I was sitting at my kitchen table helping my daughter with her home work. We have a scanner at home because my husband works for the city, state, and county police. All of a sudden... I hear a dispatcher saying that a person had reported me for trying to run her off the road two times in that half hour before she called them. The thing is, is that I was at home for an hour and a half before that call was reported. So I called the Police Station to see what was up. I went outside my house to let my daughter work on her home work while I was on the phone with the officer. When I went outside my neighbor was on her porch and asked me if I new that a SUV with someone in it was at my house writing down my license plate numbers off my car and truck. Then I realised that it must have to do with the ex-husbands wife...
This lady will stop at nothing to cause problems!!! I still need more proof before I can press staulking charges on her, but the police are in my corner and logging everthing that happens. Maybe one day she will just give up!!
HELP!!! I'm the nice exwife of 14 years, happily remarried, being stalked by the exhusbands 'cruelgirlsrule' wife.... What should I do???
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sur5er31198

Posts: 1090

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:45 pm

Location: hopefully a few steps ahead of my stalker

Post Thu Sep 09, 2004 12:10 pm

Hvensnt70,

Wow, you ex's wife is way out there and she needs to be reeled in immediately. No question about it, she is dangerous.

What did the police do about the phone calls she made to you and your daughter while she was at the bar? 1) Did the police file a report; 2) If so, did the prosecutor charge her with stalking?

What happened with the false police report your ex's wife filed about the car? 1) Was a police report filed; 2) If so, did the prosecutor charge her with filing a false police report?

If no one at the police department is taking this woman seriously you may have to file a complaint against the police/department for allowing this woman to get away with her crap. This is just !@!@# bs....and I really feel for you.

Hound the police until they properly deal with this woman, it's obvious that she is already going to extreme measures...I worry what she has up her sleeve. :roll:

Take care and let us know what the police finally do, after you lean on them a bit.
An informed victim is an empowered victim enroute to recovery.
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hvnsnt70

Posts: 7

Joined: Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:51 pm

Post Thu Sep 09, 2004 12:18 pm

Checking on that...

I will be checking on all this stuff today after noon and will get back to all who have replied and are giving me such great advice.

Thank You all for your ideas and help,
HvnSnt
:?
HELP!!! I'm the nice exwife of 14 years, happily remarried, being stalked by the exhusbands 'cruelgirlsrule' wife.... What should I do???
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sur5er31198

Posts: 1090

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:45 pm

Location: hopefully a few steps ahead of my stalker

Post Thu Sep 09, 2004 12:46 pm

Good luck Hvnsnt! ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))).

I should have added too, that if the local police refuse to do anything go to the State Police. With Butthead, the sheriff refused to do anything and finally one day a friend of mine who is an attorney suggested that I go directly to the State Police....and it was the best advice I ever recieved.

GO MICHIGAN STATE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An informed victim is an empowered victim enroute to recovery.
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admin

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Post Thu Sep 16, 2004 10:57 am

just a little clean-up

I don't know what this topic was doing in Board Suggestions, or why it was there so long :oops: but it is now where it ought to be, in Shared Stories.

Your friendly neighborhood Admin

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