Please help

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Posts: 2

Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2004 9:43 am

Post Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:16 am

Please help

I am at my wit's end and I am not sure what to do but it has to stop. My story started back when I was married with an ex that was mentally and sexually abusive. After 13 years of trying and counseling I decided it was not going to get any better and I took my three kids and filled for divorce.

I thought all would end there, but he met someone on line in a chat room and 3 days after I was divorced, they were married. We have had zero one on one contact since and I was happy he found someone that made him happy and tried to go on with my life. I am in nursing school and work part time.

12/2000 My oldest daughter attempted to get close to her dad which i thought was a good thing until a month later (the whole time she was not allowed to contact me) she was thrown on my door step with half of her belongings by her father. In an attempt to get her things back she called saying I would pull in the drive way and the things could be picked up from outside. His new wife told my daughter that if I pulled in the driveway she would bring out her 357 to the car to me.

5/2001 My car was stolen, someone anonymously reported that I faked the incident and it took almost a year for the pay out.

8/2002 The new wife contact friend of the court stating that I was having sex in front of my children. This was proven false and the charges were dropped.

8/2003 The ex and the new wife constantly told my children 10, 12 that I was a bad mother, a whore etc. They fought for custody and with things they way they were I thought it better to let them live with their father if that was what they wanted. I have joint custody with them living with him and me every other weekend. I honestly thought things would stop.

12/2003 the new wife contacted my place of work and told the secretary what a looser I was that I refused to pay the medical bills I owed to them and that she was going to come up to my office and post my pictures all over the walls.

6/2004 She went to a party where my daughter was at grabbed her and threw a beer all over her. The state police were called but they said it was my daughters word against her's and there is nothing that can be done.

10/2004 She contacted the new place that i moved to and told them that my credit was shot, they would be lucky to get a payment from me, did they know i had custody of only 1 of my children full time not 3. She also told them that she would be calling up to my work next.

My ex is a police officer and now a sergeant, I have went to the local police with the gun issue and nothing was done. I went to the State police when she attacked my daughter and nothing was done. I have ulcers, cannot sleep at night, and have caller id on my phone and I am scarred to answer it.


Posts: 2075

Joined: Fri Jan 17, 2003 1:37 pm

Post Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:38 pm

Welcome. There are a couple of posters here from law enforcement backgrounds that may be able to offer you some practical advice.

I just wanted to say that I am proud of you for making the decision to leave and sticking to it. That takes a lot of courage. You can draw on that same courage to make it through this situation.
Mother of two


Posts: 1090

Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2004 9:45 pm

Location: hopefully a few steps ahead of my stalker

Post Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:57 pm


Welcome to SVS....I am a former police officer....and incidently, my abuser/stalker is a sheriff deputy. So, needless to say, I know exactly where you are coming from in the fact that you cannot get any assistance from the police.

In my case, I went to the state police, and they immediately assisted me (my ex was with the sheriff department)....but it seems that in your case, that the state police are taking your ex's and his wife's side of everything because he is a police officer.

Hmmmmmmmmm....what to do. It is obvious that your ex's wife's treatment of you and the harassment violates many laws. 1) The ex's wife throwing the beer on your daughter, is assault....if she is a minor, then the charge would be child abuse. Have you side stepped the police and contacted the prosecutor....or the attorney general? 2) In regards to the ex's wife calling your place of employment and your housing manager with false information, that can be considered harassment, stalking, violation of private records, etc. Again, contact the prosecutor of the attorney general in your state. 3) In regards to the ex's wife threatening you with her 357, that is considered an your prosecutor or the attorney general.

Another avenue would be to personally contact the chief of police of the pd your ex works for and inform him that unless he intervenes and the ex's wife's games/crimes against you cease that you will be filing a complaint for 'abuse of power' against your it is evident that your ex is behind these games and his wife is using his position to do as she pleases.

In your post I noted that everything that has been done to you and you children, was done by your ex's wife...but remember, your ex is behind this in some fashion...he is not stopping her and he is obviously protecting her with his position...thus, he is just as much responsible for her actions, as she is. I cannot even imagine how this has effected your children that are living with this looneybin. :roll:

Take care....and keep us posted. :wink:
An informed victim is an empowered victim enroute to recovery.


Posts: 2

Joined: Thu Oct 07, 2004 9:43 am

Post Fri Oct 08, 2004 5:14 pm

Thank you for your replys. I have talked to a lawyer friend of mine and I am going to try and talk to another lawyer who lives in this town but practices in a nearby town. I have also talked to an ex police officer (who is also my boss), he also talked about civil court possibly harrassement or stalking. All in all i just want to go on with my life. Nursing school is hard enough without all of this too. :(


Posts: 141

Joined: Tue Aug 24, 2004 9:59 pm

Location: Australia

Post Thu Nov 18, 2004 6:06 pm

Get evidence

Hi Silentwhispers,

Keep records and get evidence/witnesses/written reports/photos/tape recordings. Don't give up and look at the positives, the things they haven't done.

Learning and laughing.


Posts: 3

Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 2:11 pm

Post Sat Jan 08, 2005 6:24 am

regarding voice activation

when i am not home, is it california law, to be able to voice activate my house if i have a restraint order?

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