where did you meet???



Posts: 171

Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2004 1:00 pm

Post Mon Oct 18, 2004 1:04 pm

where did you meet???

I met my stalker at the UU church of all places a couple of month after my boyfriend died. We were together for seven years. He was diabetic and died of heart failure.

Anyway, I met this guy a month after I started attending the UU church. That's why i get a creeepy feeling every time i go there, but i still attend certain groups when i'm assured i will be supported.

Initially, this guy was a lot of fun, but his behavior became more and more obessissive. He constantly went to the minister for advice. One of her reasons for not letting me join the church was that "i was causing too much drama." One of the boundaries she set was that i'm supposed to keep my personal drama out of church. Like i have any control over a stalker.

After i broke up with him the first time he set up a meeting with the minister to "work things out." at this meeting she did suggest some boundaries which worked well at first but he went right back to his old ways. I feel stupid for attending the meeting. I should've told them both to go straight to Hades and not pass go. After we just agreed to be friends, this guy even got an engagement ring. I kind of freaked about it and told my support group leader who gave me this lecture about being hypersexual and advised me to just tell him to "back off." This is the same moron who continued to invite him to certain activities without asking me and she wonders why i don't return her calls. She sent me a card out of concern.
So anyway after we broke up the second time this guy continued sending me hate mail and opened up new accounts to avoid being blocked. He also harassed people in my family, barged in on one of my counsolers, and probably bugged the minister who of course probably blames me.

Now everything is quiet except that he plans to use the church to engage me. So i quit the Caring Commitee. I have followed the advice of people on this board and have gone somewhere else. deserve better than that. I like some of the people there though and will continue to nurture those friendships.

So, did anyone else meet in church? I think telling the story helps my pstd. Thanks to this jerk and all his supporters: the support group leader and the minister.

The good thing is i'm slowly getting my life back. I'm making plans to move on. I have lots to look forward to.

I'll be patient and hopefully meet a decent guy out there. I know there are many.


Posts: 2860

Joined: Mon Jan 20, 2003 10:50 pm

Post Mon Oct 18, 2004 9:06 pm

I met Dip at Bombay Bicycle Club...bar & restaurant. Church might actually have been better and I would have avoided him all together.
Happy Trails :)


Posts: 24

Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 7:28 pm

Post Tue Oct 19, 2004 8:20 am

Actually met stalker hubby (hubby #2) through his sister, whom I met when out one night with my cousin after splitting up with husband #1. He had paid her $50 to find someone for him to date (I didn't find this out until years later). She told me all about her wonderful brother and wouldn't I like to meet him, etc. He was wonderful, in the beginning....


Posts: 1915

Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2003 1:03 pm

Location: in the library

Post Tue Oct 19, 2004 9:52 am

I met the Roid thru a friend who was cheating with a married man - I wasn't clear on that. We double-dated. Found oout years later the Roid was married. We had a LD relationship for a while, and yes, I can be very dense but he is also an excellent liar.

So, now he's living with the cheater he cheated on me with. Serves them right. If all is not easily visible to you, I don't care what the circumstances, run, women, run! These guys love their secrets. It feels like control to them.
Virginal Cindy the upright and stalwart


Posts: 111

Joined: Sun Aug 17, 2003 8:22 pm

Location: Middle Of Somewhere

Post Tue Oct 19, 2004 10:53 am

Get credit reports.
Do background investigations.
Make doubly sure.
If there's a secret, there's a problem.

Don't tolerate any secrets.
Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose.


Posts: 39

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:16 pm

Location: The Left Coast

Post Tue Oct 19, 2004 12:21 pm

Embarassed to admit where I met mine...

We met on Match.com - Ugh. I told him before we ever even met that he was NOT my type. My mistake was "feeling sorry" for him - he wrote back and said he knew nobody in our town and would only be here for a year thanks to a corporate auditing job. I figured if this big, prestigious company had hired him then he must be ok (mistake #2). While checking credit, etc. can be good it won't protect you from a guy such as this. We (FBI, INS, Police) believe he is in the US using someone elses identity. I know he has good credit, etc. and, most likely, any background investigation would turn up zilch on this guy. He moves around ALOT. Don't rely on paper "facts" - TRUST YOUR GUT. If I had trusted mine I might not be in the situation I am today.

My daughter is bugging me to go somewhere so I need to cut this one short. I'll expand on it later if anyone is interested.
Oh, no! Not *ANOTHER* learning experience! :)

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