Survival

The following list of the ten most common mistakes that stalking victims make has been culled from Surviving a Stalker, a ground-breaking book by Linden Gross that teaches you how to avoid those life-threatening errors that too many other victims have made.

The Top Ten Most Common Mistakes Made by Stalking Victims:

  1. Not listening to your intuition. As countless stories reveal in Linden Gross’s book, you need to keep your internal radar tuned to pick up signals that something might be wrong.
  2. Letting someone down easy, instead of saying a definitive NO if you’re not interested in a relationship. Trying to be nice can lead a potentially obsessive suitor to hear what he or she wants instead of the message that you’re not interested.
  3. Ignoring the early warning signs that annoying attention might escalate into dangerous harassment and pursuit. Pay special attention to what happened to Diane DiMarco, Suzanne Jurva and Jane McAllister, whose stories are all chronicled in Surviving a Stalker: What You Need to Know to Stay Safe.
  4. Responding to a stalker in any way, shape, or form. That means not acceding to your stalkers demands even once he or she has introduced threats. Linden’s book explains the dynamics behind a threat, and what to do when and if your stalking escalates to this point.
  5. Trying to reason or bargain with a stalker. Stalking is like a long rape. Find out how your natural reactions almost automatically put you at a disadvantage, and what you can do about it.
  6. Seeking a restraining or protective order. All too often, this one act propels stalkers to act violently. Still tempted to get that piece of paper? You might want to check out the stories about Laura Black and Shirley Lowery before you do.
  7. Expecting police to solve your problem and make it go away. Even the LAPD’s Threat Management Unit says that victims have to take 100 percent responsibility for their dealing with the situation.
  8. Taking inadequate privacy and safety precautions. In the chapter titled “If It Happens To You: A Safety Primer,” Linden Gross tells you exactly what to do to protect yourself and your loved ones on- and offline.
  9. Neglecting to enlist the support of family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, therapists and other victims. It may be tough to admit that you’re being stalked, but it’s not your fault. Learn how to gather the people who will constitute your first line of defense.
  10.   Ignoring their emotional needs during and after a stalking. Do you know how to get the support you need? Surviving a Stalker: What You Need to Know to Stay Safe will help. Read the chapter titled “Keeping Yourself Sane.”.